Does the Thought of Mother's Day Bring You Down? Have a Bad Mommy Movie Festival

Mother’s Day is typically a day when we take time out to honor and show appreciation to our mothers who loved and nurtured us, and sacrificed their time and energy to raise us into capable human beings. At least that’s what I’m reminded about when I flip through magazines and read articles about sons and daughters explaining how their mother’s support and encouragement helped them achieve goals and become the happy, successful people they are today.

But for some, Mother’s Day dredges up difficult, anxiety-filled emotions. Instead of a day of warm memories, it becomes a day to remember the poor treatment, neglect or insensitivities one had to endure. It’s a day that causes some to remember that maybe they don’t have a good relationship with their mother and no matter how much they have tried in the past, nothing is going to change. Let’s face it, not everybody had a “good” mommy.

The other day, I met a woman, who was about 65-years-old, who told me that she had two children – a girl and a boy - back in the day when having children was “what women did” and reflected upon her mothering experience as “paying her debt to society”. She proudly informed me that she didn’t have a mothering bone in her body and that she never had a relationship with either of her children as they grew up, or even now. She said she preferred to do “more” with her life.

She also mentioned that the other day she met her granddaughter for the first time, and she beamed with pride as she mentioned this to me. I pictured her daughter lying in a hospital bed handing over her baby girl to the new grandmother, making a connection with her mother through the next generation; finally bridging the gap of those emotionally distant years. When I asked when her granddaughter was born, thinking it would be the past few months, the woman said 1986. She told me her granddaughter just returned from Australia, where she was studying on a fellowship. She added, “You know, my granddaughter really should have been my daughter. I have more in common with her.”

So, in honor of those misunderstood children of difficult mothers who must tolerate Mother’s Day instead of celebrate it, I have a suggestion. I have provided a list of movies that contain bad mommy characters. Watch them and remember you aren’t alone. There are others out there who didn’t get the mothering they needed either. But mainly, remember, it’s not your fault. Invite a few friends who also have bad moms and have your own Bad Mommy Film Festival/group therapy session. Compare stories. Realize that maybe there is something to celebrate. You survived.

1. Now, Voyager (1942): Bette Davis plays a spinster daughter who suffers a nervous breakdown and after a stint at a psychiatric facility and meeting a true love, develops a sense of self-esteem which allows her to continue with her life and thrive on her own terms.
2. Sybil (TV -1976): A classic abuse movie where Sally Field plays a girl who is psychologically and physically abused by her mother to such an extreme that she develops multiple personalities.
3. Carrie (1976): In the beginning of the film, we are introduced to Carrie’s mother, who is so embarrassed and afraid of Carrie’s psychic abilities that she stifles her. Eventually Carrie reaches a breaking point and turns into a telepathic killer destroying everything around her.
4. Ordinary People (1980): A mother secretly blames her younger son for her older son’s death. The mother’s inability and unwillingness to examine her emotions and take responsibility for her feelings, causes her younger son turmoil and harm.
5. Mommie Dearest (1981): Based on the book by Cindy Crawford, Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter, Mommie Dearest reveals the psychological and physical abuse Cindy endured at the hands of her mother.
6. Postcards from the Edge (1990): Based on Carrier Fisher’s autobiographical novel about her life. The movie shows a daughter’s struggle dealing with her complex and conflicting emotions toward her aging movie star self-absorbed mother. The daughter overcomes her drug and alcohol abuse and resolves her feelings toward her mother in order to move forward with her life.
7. Prince of Tides (1991): The story of adult children suffering from a traumatic childhood event that their mother told them never to talk about. The mother is more concerned about her image and reputation than the effect it has upon her children.
8. Like Water for Chocolate (1993): The mother in this story favors one daughter over another. The movie shows how eventually the least-favored daughter resolves her mother’s influence over her life.
9. Anywhere But Here (1999). A mother who is fed up with her small town existence, leaves her family and second husband, moving to Beverley Hills with her daughter. The mother’s lying and irresponsible behavior motivates the daughter to develop plans to attend a university on the east coast, even though the mother wants her to be a movie star.
10. Blow (2001): The early scenes, showing a mother’s unhappiness with the father’s ability to make enough money and her constant leaving and returning, set the main character’s psychology for making money at all costs – even to the extent of risking his life to sell drugs on a grand scale.
11. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (2002): A mother’s inability to talk about her past and mental breakdown, creates a life long struggle between the mother and daughter. The movie shows the daughter learning about her mother’s past, allowing her to understand, forgive her mother, and move on with her life.
12. White Oleander (2002): This movie is about a difficult mother/daughter relationship where the mother murders a lover resulting in the daughter being sent to live with various foster families. The daughter learns to trust her own instincts and develops her own values to lead her own life, finally being free of her mother’s toxic influence.
13. Antwone Fisher (2002): This is a movie about one’s man journey in coming to terms with his childhood and being abandoned by his mother.
14. The Hours (2002): One of the story lines is about a woman and her struggle dealing with her sexuality and role as a mother, and how it affects the next generation - her son.
15. Real Women Have Curves (2003): This film shows a mother’s inability to let daughter grow up and pursue her own life.
16. Laurel Canyon (2003): This firm is about the conflict between a permissive, free-spirit music producer mother and her conservative, psychiatrist son. The son and his sheltered fiance move in with his mother while they look for apartments in Los Angeles. The movie shows the struggle they all experience as they are drawn to taboo temptations.
17. Million Dollar Baby (2004): Although this movie is really about a female boxer pursuing her dream, there are scenes with her unsupportive mother which reveal the psychological obstacles she had to overcome to reach her goals.
18. Spanglish (2005): The bad mother in this movie is a former career woman turned stay-at-home mother from an upper-middle class family, who is dominating, aggressive and insensitive. The bad mom is contrasted nicely with her Mexican maid who is raising her daughter with common sense and boundaries.
19. Running with Scissors (2007): Based on Augustine Burroughs autobiographical book of the same name, this movie shows a mother so self-absorbed in her own issues that she abandons her son and forces him to live with her bizarre psychologist’s family. This movie shows the struggle a child has in loving his parents and trying to deal with their neglect.
20. Nanny Diaries (2007): A story about nanny who is hired by a wealthy socialite, who is too preoccupied with her own life, to take care of her young son. There is a happy ending where the mother realizes the importance of spending time with her child.